why ask why me?

Sunday, May 27, 2007

ummmm... thanks dirk???

well, i know it's been broken twice..... maybe 3 times........ and i have always belived that there is only one true love, my bashert, out there for me.......

Your Birthdate: February 13
You don't love lightly. For you, love is always a serious undertaking.However, you are able to love many types of people. You can bring out the best in almost anyone.Love surprises you often. You never know when or where you'll find it next.
Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 5
You are most compatible with people born on the 4th, 13th, 22nd, and 31st of the month.

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fortunte cookie

there are many unexpected & thrilling surprises in store for you!

let's all hope so....


Thursday, May 24, 2007

job hunting 4

so - you know how i made the comment the other day about my mother being supportive


she was so negative and hurtful yesterday, i reverted to throwing my phone again

unfortunately, since i no longer have a land line, it was my CELL PHONE

yeah, um.... - throwing cell phones is a very very very very very very bad move

fortunately, i still have my old phones, so i just reactivated one of them... and i get my upgrade in a couple months anyway... but STILL - i had JUST purchased new ring tones, and my phone didn't have a sim card, so i can't move any of my pics, ringers, or numbers.....


and then my dad sent me an e-mail...

i KNOW he is trying to be supportive - i mean, he is loaning me money to GO to these job fairs... but he is trying to talk me out of going to one of them because of the area it is in because it wouldn't be a good area for me to have a social life...

um - dad? news flash - i don't have one now

Sunday, May 20, 2007

job hunting 3

well, in addition to the multitude of comments on here, you should see the explosion of "advice" in my e-mail in-box...

some of you "lurkers" who are too pathetic to come out into the open that you had to send me anonymous e-mail "advice" seem to

1) not get that my blog is a place that i VENT and voice my inner voice that i don't voice to my family and friends




here are some details i have learned, both from when i originally interviewed & from others i know in the field of special education job hunting...

special ed hiring isn't the same as regular ed hiring..

most districts leave SPED placements to the SPED department to do interviews, hiring, and placements...

the number one reason they do this is because special education laws are so complex and changing that most principals don't WANT to know what they are. They almost never know the correct questions to ask a sped hire, let alone do they know what answer to to look for...the pedagogy is SO DIFFERENT that they CANNOT ask the same questions so - they don't know where to start, so they leave it to the "experts"

so typically - especially in urban districts - principals work/deal with the sped teachers who are hired by the SPED supervisors & placed in their schools, do their annual or semi-annual observations, and sign sped paperwork as needed - and of course they are there to deal with discipline issues

smaller schools and rural schools... that is a different story... in smaller districts, the principals are more involved w/ the sped paperwork process and have a little more of a clue about what is going on in those classrooms..

but since i am getting plenty of private e-mails with loads of advice of how to live my life and make decisions on how to job hunt:

before i even sent the application in, i had already done the following:

1) checked out all 3 papers online in the area of the school district and key word researched the district to see how all 3 of them presented them in the news... and yes, there were both positive & negative issues presented... but you have that in every district..

2) i checked out the district website - in depth... i checked out their salary scale - once they have conformation that i have 2 years experience i would get 3rd year experience w/ masters level pay - just as if i stay here.... & their benefits package is comparable (my district doesn't care how long you have taught - if it is your 1st year in the district, you get 1st year pay unless you buy in)... it IS a slightly lower pay scale than what i get now - however, i would NOT have to pay outrageous heating bills all winter long (does anyone remember that 10 foot blizzard?)- hell, it hit freezing LAST NIGHT

3) I checked out how the district is doing in regards to NCLB/AYP, on their site, through the news paper, AND through the state's ed page - it has made great strides and is moving in a positive direction -- it is investing TONS of $$ into teacher training... AND (esp to ME) they are providing an incentive program to all teachers working towards NTE certification as part of their NCLB/AYP initiative

4) The district has a hell of a lot more community involvement than the community i am in now...

5) I have been applying to schools since February.... granted i didn't mention anything... but this is the first bite - the last time I job hunted, I didn't get asked for a full time position until 2 DAYS before school started - and i am STILL STUCK HERE...

6) The area has a VERY LARGE Jewish poplulation as opposed to where i am (ie - basically just me), a very large & active alumnae group from my undergraduate university and i have send them an e-mail requesting feed back from members, my sorority & another intertational social action organization i am involved in through my home town and i have also requested info from them TOO - so right there are FIVE ways for me to become socially integrated into the community - as opposed to the area i am currently in; an area that is fine w/ interacial relationships but NOT interreligious

7) it is also a fairly decent sized metropolitan area - hell it has a real airport in it (ok, so where i now has a rinky-dink one too)

8) I always have said, the only thing i would give my mountains & skiing up for was the ocean - this could be it...

8) and i could be offered the job, but say no thank you

i NEED a change... it doesn't mean i am not going to KEEP on applying to other places... hell, they could say thank you for coming but we don't think you will be a good fit...

Saturday, May 19, 2007

job hunting 2

i have an interview
its out of state
i have my e-ticket

now i just have to wait for interview day

negative 1) interview day is the day after my last day of work so i can't scout the area out in person

negative 2) if they offer me a contract i have to take it then (if i don't i may never get out of this town)

negative 3) what if they DON'T offer me a contract

negative 4) i have to wait for interivew day

Thursday, May 17, 2007

job hunting


every frigging district wants 3 letters of recommendation sent - FROM MY CURRENT SUPERVISOR(s).

my district DOES NOT ALLOW administrators to write letters of recommendation!

(i do understand where the current school is comming from - you don't want to help your good teachers leave..... but a few of the administrators are willing to verbally talk me up [because they think i am considering leaving for family reasons] - they just can't put it on paper.)

but here is the bigger problem - a ton of the more progressive districts (read: the good ones that i would want to be hired buy) want you to apply using their friendly named "QUICKAP" or "QUICKFILL" web applications. fine. they are really simple to fill out. they have easy to follow directions. you can attach your letter of intent & resume w/ the click of a button.

UNFORTUNTALY you still need to answer 87 fucking questions, WRITE 3 ESSAYS (on topics of their choice that are totally different from every other one you have written so far - which i have at least been smart enough to save but haven't been able to reuse yet) - and their QUICKAPP's REQURE you to fill out EVERY BLOCK of the letter of recomondation area - and if you don't put in a name - it knows; an e-mail - it knows; a phone number- you guessed it - it knows.

Next thing you know - 3 and a half hours of your life has passed you by.....

and you don't even get a conformation e-mail stating that the damn thing was recived at the other end

Saturday, May 12, 2007


HEY YOU WORDPRESS FIENDS (yes i said fiends)

all my comments are going to your spam folders - GRRRRRRRR

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

5 Questions x 2

So Just Saying finally sent me my 5 questions and I FINALLY am replying… ADDITIONALLY -- ME sent me 5 TOO!… so here they all are:
JS?1) It's obvious after reading your blog for a while now that you are ready to
settle down, define Mr. Right, what kind of guy are you looking for?

~Have you ever heard the expression “lead, follow, or get out of the way?” I want NONE of these in Mr. Right

~ I am looking for a man who wants to be married and have children - not because it is what he is SUPPOSED to do it at this stage in life but because he is in love with me and WANTS TO…

~ I am looking for a man with whom I can carry on conversations about everything and nothing - and have comfortable silences with too….

~ I am looking for a man who can make me laugh and also get my humor - typically sarcastic & dry

~ I am looking for someone to somewhat balance me out - to give me space when I need it, to support me when I need it

~ but mostly - I am looking for someone to be my partner and to share my life with, ups AND downs….

JS?2) You have so much to offer. You are funny, intelligent, sweet and yet it
would seem that so much of your self esteem is tied up in your personal
appearance... Why do you think this is?

~ The first time I was told I needed to lose weight.. I was 6... It was my figure skating coach who I looked up to…. Even though my mom told her off - it stuck

~ By the time I was 10, my paternal grandmother was harping on me about my weight yet shoved food down my throat

~ In high school, the few people I dated were college students who I met at the local university when I was studying in the library where my mom worked - I NEVER dated anyone my age, and I never told the guys the truth. I was never overweight, but I was harassed and teased and picked on. I had diet pills shoved in my locker. I would have people ask me if I wanted to go to a party or to a movie with a group or to hang out - and then be told “ too bad [insert euphemism for overweight here]

~ In college, I was friends with all the guys I knew, but none of them dated me - the size 12 (btw - I LOST the freshman 15 my 1st year)… they dated the stick figures

~ Then my own mom started making comments on my weight… of course she was also shoving food down my throat like the mother-in-law she hated

~ Even today - I am the overweight girl in the group…. Ever time I am with my friends, I am the one who gets passed over… I am the short dumpy one - even when I try my hardest to look my best…

JS?3) If you could change any one thing about your life... Anything... What would
it be and why?

~ I would have moved away from the town I live in as SOON as I graduated from college and moved to a major city instead of still being here….

JS4) If you could change any one thing about the world... Anything... What would
it be and why?

~ End discrimination - …. Even today, in ENGLISH class we ended up talking about the Civil Rights Movement and how it effected them - how the legislation of Brown vs. The Board of Education was actually the basis for the legal arguments of inclusive education for students with disabilities - I’m not saying everyone should always agree with everyone else’s belief’s - but accept that different people have different beliefs

JS?5) What has been your greatest accomplishment to date, and what is one thing
you hope to accomplish in the future?

I think my greatest accomplishment has been to reach individual kids that I have worked with over the last few years…. From the 2 autistic children who I started working with weeks after they were diagnosed until they were ready to go to school with out supports (their current teachers don’t even believe that they HAVE autism) to the girl who had me last year as a 9th grade learning support English student and I pushed out into regular English - she has THE HARDEST 10th grade English teacher this year (not my fault), she is successful in there, AND she is our school’s Poet Laureate this year

ME?1) When looking for a guy, what's most important...money, appearance, or status?

~ None of the above… because all of those fade… but I think I kind of already answered this one above….

ME?2)When you were younger, what did you think your life would be like at this point?

~ I have never been the kind of girl who planned her life out… I don’t know what my wedding will be like (ok, I know what I would like my wedding DRESS to look like if I could loose some more weight)

~ The most I could say is that I have always pictured myself in the role of teacher - just not THIS role….

~ I originally though I would be a figure skating teacher

~ I then though I would be a music teacher - I can play the piano, flute, piccolo, violin, viola, timpani, and well, a number of others with a lot of practice……..

ME?3) What is your secret talent? Why haven't you shared it with us before?

~ I can fold my tongue into a W - I tried to take a picture but it didn’t work….

ME?4)In your life, who--if anyone--do you trust 100%?

~Myself…. Each of my best friends knows a LOT about me… but NO ONE knows it all…

ME?5)What is your morning routine? Take us through, step by step, what you do between waking up and leaving for work.

~ 5:50 Radio alarm goes off and vaguely acknowledge it… its SUPPOSED to “softly” wake me up, but I never actually get up….
~ Cell phone alarm goes off @ 10 min later - I turn it off
~ Cell phone alarm 2 goes off 20 min later - I use the snooze button
~ Alarm on the other side of the room goes off so I get up and hit THAT snooze button -

*Now I have 2 randomly timed snooze alarms going off on both sides of the room AND an awake dog

~ By 6:40 at the latest I give up and take the little shit outside, give him a treat and take my am meds
~ Shower - I start w/ my hair and end at my toes
~ Hair up in a towel I then brush my teeth, deodorant, lotion, then attempt to blow dry my hair by flipping my head upside down….if, when I flip back up it isn’t going 12 directions great - it will settle down by the time school starts…. Otherwise it goes up in a clip.
~ I then block the dog in the bathroom/bedroom end of the hallway & get dressed….
~ Then I grab my stuff and head off to face the world


Saturday, May 05, 2007


i did laundry today - the problem is that if i let the dryer actually DRY my clothing they dryer destroy's my clothing by shrinking them or burning them

so EVERY SINGLE PAIR OF JEANS & DRESS PANTS that fit(the rest are WAY to big now - YEAH and on there way to the salvation army) are hangining in my bathroom drying

only i would get asked out buy a guy and HAVE TO SAY NO because i LITERALLY have NOTHING to wear!

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

timing is everything

ok, so may of you know i have been dealing with some health problems this school year...

for the most part they have been managed by meds... but they have really interfered with my daily life

at the same time i have constantly said: "at least it's not cancer or something else that could kill me"

and then my best friends father was diagnosed with one of the most deadly kinds of cancers

and then super trainer was diagnosed with breast cancer

and then, in addition to the always, painful periods (sorry guys) the shooing pain's in my left breast became bad enough that i started tracking them but found that they aren't related to my menstrul cycle or my lifting routines or the food i eat or anything else that i can figure out....

so when i had my annual with the OB/GYN last week i told her

she didn't feel anything but she set up an appointment for to have my first mamogram

my ob/gyn is the #1 ob/gyn in the tri-state are - LITERALLY

she is sending me to a different doctor who is affiliated with DIFFERENT hospital

evidently i am being sent to the #1 boob lady

but there is MORE

then i read neil's post about "our" sophia.

then the next day i go to work and find out that our school is doing a big fund raiser walk for cancer.

so i am going to take this one day at a time....

oh - and i am going to do the walk in memory of those in my family who have lost the good fight, in honor of those who have won it... and in support of those i know who are kicking its ass - and w/ her permission - in support of sophia too!

if anyone would like to send a donation, please e-mail me at whyaskwhyme@gmail.com and i will send you my contact info so you can do so - or dontate to your local cancer society, and then post to my comment section so we know you helped fight the good fight!!