why ask why me?

Sunday, January 21, 2007

horridscope sunday

Learn to view yourself -- all of yourself -- with understanding and compassion.
Impossible standards just make life more difficult and love harder to give and
receive. Softening your attitude opens your heart.

someone asked me why i blog....

why do i blog?.....

i blog to vent....

i blog to share.....

i come on here to say the things i wont say to my friends and family, but you only see one side of me.....there are things about me you will never know, personnel details that i don't share

i tend to let my negative stuff out here, and let my positive side shine in public, kind of like free therapy (ok, "you know who you are", you suggested journaling - this took 3 hours to write)

everyone needs an outlet - and lately you have been it

i feel like every time i DO start to talk about a positive, it backfires...

once again, as i posted i started talking to a guy.... and things seemed to be positive..... i waited a bit to actually post about it.... well, last night i got the "i am so busy i just do feel it is fair to you" brush off... a relationship takes work... and if both people aren't willing to compromise and put forth the effort than it won't.... i can only take him at face value - so if he was telling the truth, then he finally met someone who gets him, odd quirks and all, but he is so busy that he doesn't have the time to put in the effort and he doesn't want me to compromise and wait it out.... so, then - i guess it is HIS LOSS - but damn, this one HURTS

some of you, from private e-mail, know i have been having health problems... i have been going up and down.... no, it is not life threatening... but i am sick every day... it wears a person out..... my friends IRL don't want to understand what is going on.... they don't seem to care.... they call me and start off by bitching about their problems, not asking me what is going on with me.... i don't know if any of them actually KNOW how sick i am... my doctor actually suggested i take a leave of absence from work.. but i am only a second year teacher and i don't want to do that.... i would go NUTS sitting around at home all day

ironically the one place i DO feel good is at the gym while working out - i guess the endorphins do boost morale, however i cant do it alone so i have been draining my wallet paying for super trainer... i know muscle takes up less space than fat... my weight hasn't really dropped but i am getting stronger and some of my clothing is getting bigger..... so i guess i am doing something right

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15 Comments:

  • I'm sorry about the brush off. You ARE right...it is his loss.

    It does still hurt, too.
    My answer? Go out with someone new! Ask people to fix you up! I know that is risky, but you seem like a strong person and it is only dinner.

    Think of it as networking and practice. (and free dinner)

    By Blogger Mary Alice, at Sunday, January 21, 2007  

  • For what it's worth you seem fantastic... And completely dateable...

    I'm just sayin'...

    By Blogger Just Sayin', at Sunday, January 21, 2007  

  • All of us have gotten the brush off at some time. He just wasn't right for you. And endorphins do help boost morale and health. Sorry, you haven't been feeling the best.

    By Blogger Neil, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • Now if only I could figure out why I blog. ;-)

    I've been too busy to date before. In fact, I think it's becoming a chronic condition at times. Until I meet women that can only go out on Saturdays.

    By Blogger -J, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • QG, I know what you mean about working out alone. I love my trainer, but I'd be happier if I just had a friend to go to the gym with. It's the words that make the difference, the encouragement. I can look up my own excercises for training, but the words aren't the same coming from my mouth to my ears. Something is lost in the translation.

    And you're right, it is his loss.

    By Blogger Melissa, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • (sigh) how is it when I decide to reach out personally through email I can't find your email address???

    As already mentioned as you already know, the brush off does suck. Doesn't matter how many people tell you it's his loss or just bad timing, it blows. It makes me want to scream when it happens to me.

    As far as you, as a whole...hang in there. I've dealt with health issues and they suck, they suck so much more then anyone outside of yourself will ever know. They suck to the point where they can change who you are on an hour by hour basis - remember when you're feeling bad, physically or emotionally, it may not be you..it may be illness or exhaustion. It probably is. I never knew that when you're sick you not only have to fight physically, you have to fight emotionally - with yourself and sadly, with people in your life because they don't get it. They won't get it until (god forbid) it happens to them.

    But the other thing I learned is that I don't give my friends the chance to be real with me - I kept things from them because I didn't want to burden them, because I was sick of hearing myself whine and complain. I'd keep quiet so they'd all start going on and on about their life and I'd never speak up and for a minute shout "SHUT THE HELL UP, I'm SERIOUSLY in trouble here and *I* need a moment, *I* need a friend..."

    Most friends when slapped with need will straighten up and come through for you in the most important ways. And you'll also learn who the true friends are - sometimes that hurts, too though.

    Ok, enough ranting, so sorry - even though just a chatter, I'm here for you as well as many others, I'm sure.

    -Jenn

    By Blogger Jackass Jenn, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • Having had my own ups and downs with health lately. trust me that this, too, shall pass.

    Do you really need a trainer at the gym or is it the only way that you can get yourself to go there? Can't you just sort of take notes after a few sessions with the trainer and then do the same routines alone?

    By Blogger Grampa, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • One more thing, if it's motivation you seek for exercising, I find that punk rock works just fine.

    Channel a little raw rage into your workout.

    I survived the last year of chemo on spite, punk rock and coffee.

    Happy to say that things are looking up for this kid.

    By Blogger Grampa, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • Keep the chin up and keep going to the gym, that is some good therapy for sure.

    By Blogger Scott, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • I realize I just discovered your blog but holy moly--we seem to have a LOT in common. I fully understand not wanting to take a leave of absence, I didn't take one because I thought it would drive me nuts, too. I completely understand what you mean about the emotional/mental toll that illness takes out of you. Oy.
    ~Allison

    By Blogger Kwizgiver, at Monday, January 22, 2007  

  • if he didn't want to make the effort, he wasn't right for you.

    take care of you (and your health concerns!).

    By Blogger Sizzle, at Tuesday, January 23, 2007  

  • Thanks for the comment on my blog...:)

    The last thing you need is someone who is too busy for you - but there will be someone out there for you for sure...

    illness is draining and you're right noone understands until they have been there too - keep up the good work at the gym, if it feels good, it's doing you good

    By Blogger Rainbow dreams, at Tuesday, January 23, 2007  

  • Or, as Barry Manglenose once writ:

    "I write the posts that make the whole world comment - I write the posts I write the posts."

    And as Dick Cheney once posted from an undisclosed location:

    "To blog is to be; to be, to blog; to blog whole hog is better than to drink egg nog."

    My personal blogging philosophy is founded upon these two principles.

    By Blogger Percival, at Friday, January 26, 2007  

  • amen.
    my blog is for sure my outlet.

    By Blogger Ashley, at Friday, January 26, 2007  

  • hey, if you're enjoying the gym, it's worth the money. I can't motivate myself to exercise no matter how hard I try!

    By Blogger Webmiztris, at Saturday, January 27, 2007  

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