why ask why me?

Sunday, December 31, 2006

last post of 2006

inspired by many i decided to first do a year in review. however, much of my year has not been blogged, so maybe it will be a new view of me for some of you....


blatantly, stolen from ms. sizzle, i have decided to list my intentions for 2007s

2006 in review

  • january - to the amazement of my friends, i walked away from a "relationship" that on the outside looked great.... on the inside it had sucked the life out of me: no sex, no love, no physical comfort - just party on the weekends together and then he would pass out drunk... i don't play arm candy well....
  • february - another birthday month alone....and lets not mention the "holiday"
  • march - i am starting to get tired of being everyone's whipping girl... so i skipped out on saint patricks day! it was actually kind of nice.....
  • april - got sick for the first time this year....... but i didn't say anything at work because i didn't want anyone to know.... i want my mommy
  • may - i am tired of being told that i won't be taken home because i am jewish... so i gave in and logged onto e-harmony
  • june - welcome me to blogger
  • july - my dating life got crapped on... again
  • august - when i went back to work this year, i was glad to have a job, but a lot of BAD things happened.... job's changed, people were sent to new schools, students are a lot worse than last year.... new administrators.... classrooms & sizes are different.... intentionally set fires.... basically, if you would like to know what a day in my life at work is like, watch the wire - no, i don't teach in the same location, but contrary to popular belief, kids in the middle of nowhere get into just as much trouble-or worse... and just because it doesn't make the news, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
  • september - went on a date....YEAH - didn't tell y'all about that - DID i?!?!? picked me up, took me to a nice restaurant, nice conversation, it was nice weather so we went for a walk around the square and saw the old men playing in their little quartet on the square.... and then he drove me home and -YEAH -the figured that since he paid for dinner that meant he deserved to get some..... remember that scene in "miss congeniality": sing: solar plexus, instep, nose, groin - ladies, LEARN IT! because it WORKS
  • october - so evidently mr. september kept his mouth shut because i had another date on halloween..... we had gone to lunch a couple of saturdays w/ some friends and decided to go out for our first "alone" go that night..... clammy hands... can't carry a conversation on his own.... and informed me that night that he thinks that women should be home barefoot and pregnant once they are married
  • november - i recognized the official death of a friendship when she got engaged and i didn't care.... btw, as i have heard the plans for this wedding i have actually become glad that i have no involvement too (orange dresses for the bridal party)
  • december - i have resolved that there will be many changes in my next year..... my family and i have been working together so that the next 5 & 1/2 months will be me working & living in this town, but as a means to finishing out this school year and that is it.... yes i have been experiencing dating hell and my ex's keep crawling out of the wood work

my 2007 intentions

  1. move on from this town.... i have already been sending out applications for teaching in new areas of the country
  2. accept me for who i am, for i am a strong, intelligent woman
  3. ignore my internal critic, and if i can't ignore her - tell her to shove it
  4. take more chances
  5. go where i want to go, regardless of what others might think
  6. take more time for me
  7. continue saying no when i want to
  8. start asking for help

i hope you all have a safe & happy new year

Friday, December 29, 2006


i have a question

ok, we know my dating life this year hasn't been, shall we say stellar...

so... over the last few weeks an odd phenomena KEEPS happening, and it has been bothering me for a while so i am finally posting this to you all, especially the guys:

men from my past keep popping up.

some i have dated.

some i have just been friends with.

some i have wanted more from.

some i still want more from.

some i will never get more from due to a variety of reasons.

ultimately though, i don't understand, why do they keep calling/e-mailing/im'ing me?

and just to clarify - NONE are even remotely close enough locationwise to be getting a piece of ass.

ok.. so i DO actually understand what is going on... what i guess i want to know guys - is WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MESS WHY CHICKS HEADS LIKE THIS?!?!?!?!!?


Wednesday, December 27, 2006

childhood flashback


i confess, NEED to stop watching ABC family - for one, i don't even HAVE a family.

but, GILMORE GIRLS is on EVERY DAY - and well, then you have EVERWOOD - and lets be honest, the only way to find a tv family that makes lorelai & rory look normal means you must watch everwood...

so, because i have an unhealthy need to watch abc family, i found out that Annie was on tv tonight. and i know, you are all now saying - whooped-dee-doo... but this is ACTUALLY a momentous situation... this is the VERY FIRST movies i EVER saw in a movie theater!

OH ---- AND, i skated to annie that year in my ice skating club's ice show too - damn i was cute

so please keep your snide comments to yourself ~ and for a minute bond w/ your inner child & let me know what YOUR first movie theater movie was...

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horridscope wednesday

You have a lot on your mind, not the least of which is budgetary concerns. It's overwhelming, but opportunities like this allow you to grow. If you weren't ready, you wouldn't be faced with this challenge.

so that should make it easier? to deal w/ the challenges of everyday life?

uh hu, yeah.... SURE.. ok



Tuesday, December 26, 2006

the date that went nowhere.....

it has nothing to do with the distance....

it is even more complicated than the following reasons i gave to my mother:

  1. he repeatedly checked his blackberry even though work knew he was unavailable
  2. he is homophobic
  3. he laughs like a hyena even though he has no sense of humor
  4. he didn't hold the door open for me AT ALL

i am 29 years old. i want a man who is interested in me, not just himself and how the world effects him negatively. he didn't once ask me about me, or my job. we didn't talk about politics. we didn't talk about family or friends, or funny things that that happened when we were kids.


lunch was at an ok sushi restaurant, and then went and saw the new Rocky movie.

at least he paid.


Thursday, December 21, 2006

freedom personified

ghost whispers



the quiet in my school at 3:20 was so quiet it was freaky

i was looking over my shoulder to make sure i wasn't be watched as i left.

the next 12 days are MINE to do what i want, when i want, how i want, with WHOM i want...

well, ok, so i have some dr's. appts that i cant reschedule and some of my visiting is really going to be based around others work schedules, but you know what i mean.

i hope all you have a good holiday season if i am not around... however i probably will be as i don't expect to go too far....

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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

holidays & heroes


3 days and counting.....

how do you keep 75 kids under control for a week before holiday break?

i know what i am NOT doing - and that is by NOT handing them christmas pictures and crayons. i am sorry but i will NOT go there!!!!

so my older kids read a story about roberto clemente last week, and it called him a hero. so i had a conversation with them about hero's. i have to say i was actually QUITE impressed. remember, i teach kids who's average iq is about 70.

we started out by talking about how roberto was considered a hero because he lead the pittsburgh pirates to the world series twice. from there the discussion led to why & should professional athletes BE considered heroes. we talked about other famous people who are considered heroes such as oprah (over all consensus is that she is because she gives money to good causes, NOT because of her talk show), bill gates (again, because of the money) and martin luther king. the students were basically in agreement that anyone who does things to help others is a hero, even those we don't know about - and that athletes who are known for being good players shouldn't be, UNLESS they ALSO do good deeds.

from there, things got interesting. one of the students asked about new orleans and katrina. we talked about the good and bad things that happened with the helping for the people there. from there, someone brought up Bush........and the military

AND WE KEPT the conversation surrounding heroes.

lets just say on their own, they came to the following conclusion:

military = heroes

bush = NOT

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Saturday, December 16, 2006

the "office" party

so, we ALL know it is holiday season

for those of you who don't know much about judaism - HANUKKAH IS NOT A MAJOR HOLIDAY!! it just seems like it due to the commercialization of christmas. i grew up in a home w/ a professor of comparative religion, i know more about religion than some cathloic school graduates - i am NOT into holidays - so sue me.

i am the lone jew in my school - well of the teachers, there are a couple students who are too

so, someone thought it would be a GREAT idea to DECORATE the classroom doors of the school AND to get a 20 FOOT tree for the lobby and EVERYONE should make a non-religious ornament

gee, why am i not getting into this?

a sub in the building offered to decorate my door for me because she knows how tough my class load is and she knows that my prep period is usually spent running around like a chicken w/ my head cut off - she even got hanukkah paper - but she only did half the door, so of course, my door looks like ass now....

and i don't have an ornament - since i couldn't put a menorah or a star of david on my ornament what the hell else would i put on it since everyone else wrote "merry x-mass" on theirs - so now i am the ungrateful one....


the district covers a fairly large area and has like 20 buildings and has a big party for all the buildings next week.... but our building has its own party.... and it was last night....

well, for those of you who LOOK at your calendars, you know it was hanukkah - and thank you to those of you who sent me happy hanukkah e-mails *potc's*... so i was going to go to temple and i was using it as my way to get out of the party - granted services aren't that long

anyway - my principal backdoors me and makes me go to the damn thing by paying FOR ME... i admit it wasn't BAD, but it wasn't GOOD - oh, and the principal then no showed

and out of the 60 people who were there, only one wished me happy hanukkah

i guess i figure if you are going to ram YOUR holiday down my throat, remember mine too

what am i trying to say here? i dont know - i guess today is just a vent day

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

crass america

so i am driving home from work today, and i found myself behind an suv w/ a homemade vanity window slogan.

no biggie - i live in white trash hickvill so this is "de-reguier anywhoo"

but this one was a real treat:

nothin' is sweeter than a fat man's peeter

after that, what else is left to say

Sunday, December 10, 2006

reflections of a non-diva

i find as i move thru my life that even though i make mistakes, i own them - even when i don't want to.

when it comes to mistakes at work, i will start to defend myself, and then i will just say " you know what - you are right." but i still feel, internally, that i should be allowed to defend myself, even when i don't.

when it comes to friendships, i am the go-to-girl. that being said, over the last 6 months or so, i have gotten better at saying no & asking for what i want/need. it hasn't gone over well. why - well, everyone has gotten USED to depending on me and they don't like having to find a new go-to-person.

when it comes to relationships, i tend to let myself get hopeful, but never expectant. i hope for lots of things to happen - but i never really EXPECT them to happen to or for me. my relationships tend to be one sided. when i DO become a bit assertive, the guys do the run-&-dump. they literally run, and THEN they dump me from afar - as though they are afraid i might physically hurt them if they were near me while dumping me

lately i have seen a pattern. all of the people in my life who mean something in my life i have evidently pissed off by being true to myself. either i have told them no or stood up to them by standing up FOR myself. yet they all for some reason keep coming back to me to tell me that i am a wonderful person.

so make up your mind people - either love and accept me for who i am and include me in your lives

or just go away - i don't need t rehash every mistake i have ever made


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

let love in

(if this comes out funky i apologize - i am finding this whole using a cell phone to post a bit weird... my friend has this phone w/ the keyboard keypad and the keys are really tiny and it is dark but i guess it is working...... so i don't even have to wait to post this in 3 days when i catch up on sleep)

the goo goo dolls

the first time i saw the goo goo dolls was 10 years ago - i got in a "fight" w/ a guy in my college earth science lecture about them, and he took me to see them (it was free for me so i said sure... and i was hooked).... at the time i wasn't into "local" bands as i had grown up in a college town and had my fill of them growing up and was SO TIRED of hearing about how each band was the NEXT BIG BAND.....

so when a co-worker said, ROAD TRIP, i said, why not, whooped-dee-doo that we have work in the morning... i made sure to have a day where i wouldn't have to bring anything w/ me to grade or have to deal with & i got someone TRUSTWORTHY to deal w/ the puppers for dinner.....

so i left school w/ the kids when the bell rang today.... threw on my party boots & jeans (aka 3 inch heals cause i ALWAYS get stuck behind the TALL guy and low cut jeans w/ a hole in the knee and shredded ankles that i cannot wear at work on dress down day) and a CLEAVAGE SHIRT - HELLO LADIES ..... and off we went

and it was a pretty good show for a band who's lead singer turned 41 today.... some of the newer stuff is a bit..... ehhh.... but i like the new title track "let love in" that you can hear by clicking on the link and going to their site....

the opening act was called "get over it"... personally i though they looked like 4 anorexic teenage boys... and i "got over them" pretty quickly - but maybe that is cause i am "getting" older at ALMOST 30....

what was REALLY funny... RIGHT in front of me ---- 3 boys i had in home room a couple years ago!!!! 2 of their moms are good friends..... they picked up the boys and drove them... the moms had a girls night out and the boys got to see the concert.. MY mom was NEVER that cool... THE BOYS EVEN HAD THEIR MOM TAKE A GROUP PIC OF US AFTER THE SHOW!!!! thankfully we had no plans on drinking.........

so for once i took a night for me - and it was a good move.... of course, i may be regretting this in the morning... but i am NOT driving - and after i post this (please work please work please work) i am taking a nap but of course i am wired.......

am i ready to take their advice & let love in...... that is another story & another issue.... yes, i am ready to LET LOVE IN - however, i have not found the right man...... because, lets be honest - its not worth it unless it is w/ the right person


Sunday, December 03, 2006

Leave The Pieces

yeah... um... how often do i post song lyrics???????
so we will just leave it at that...
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on
Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone
You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
Oh, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go


Saturday, December 02, 2006

training oops!

so, working with ST is a great workout

2 days later i am still sore, but it is good sore

but my BOOBS HURT!!!!

so, some of what happened....

she starts me out on the bike --- YUCK i say

but she puts me on one of those sitting ones, the ones w/ the backs - and it's NOT THAT BAD!!!

and then we do legs - but instead of BOTH legs at once, she makes me do them one at a time --- i didn't think i would get all 3 sets out, but now that i did it, i feel so accomplished!!!

and then we moved to arms & back..... my back - wow, i feel it still - but in a good way still - i'm gonna have a SEXY BACK - oh YES I AM

and then we move to chest and the hurtin' boobs...

she has me on the incline bench for fly's.... 8lbs..... no biggie - i can do this in my sleep... but then comes the twist..

"lets use an alternative grip" and she turns my hands so my thumbs are facing DOWN

and one, and two, and three, and four, and f..i..v..e, a...n.....d...... and my arm slow motion collapses on me and of course there are HOT GUYS EVERYWHERE

fortunately i can laugh at myself... and ST laughs at my laughing - i actually didn't even realise i had done 6 until SHE MADE ME DO IT AGAIN!!!!

so until next time!

have a happy saturday!


Friday, December 01, 2006

Medical Clearance

the dr. said i can go back to working out again. yeah!!!!

so, i took my "permission slip" with limitations and went and had a sit down with my new trainer. i'm going to call her ST for Super Trainer from here on out

SHE ROCKS. she is built like a brick shit house. - ok, so what that actually means, i don't know, but ST is tall, thin, and muscular - but is still built like a woman - not a freak.

AND SHE LISTENS TO ME. she took the time to get to know me as both a client and a person.

we talked for @ half an hour and THEN worked out for my hour appointment.

and i am excited to be working out again - even if i did look like an idiot after 9 weeks out of the gym.

i can't wait until next week with ST!!!