why ask why me?

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

self fulfillment & self fulfilling prophecies

i never had a confidence problem

i always did what i wanted - not what my peers wanted me to do

i never wanted to be with a guy who didn't want me for who i was - and it was easy for me to walk away

i never measured myself against what my friends had or did

i never cared that i didn't quite fit in - because with those who i DID fit in, knew the real me

i always believed the cliche that if you acted happy, you were happy - and i was

i NEVER found or based my self worth in a man

so why am i sitting here in front of my computer bawling because i like a guy, and i don't think he likes me anymore? even worse - i wonder if he ever did?

why is it that as my 20's are ending, i feel that being single is the worst thing in my life?

why is it that i find it impossible to go to the mall or the local public walking trail or even to wal-mart or a restaurant without getting angry when i see people younger than me with children of their own?

why isn't my life full enough as is????

i have my health, a supportive & loving (if far away) family, a good job that i am good at, and a loving pet too...

why isn't it enough?

when and why did my heart and my head decided to betray me??

and when did i start asking why?

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Sunday, September 24, 2006

delayed tag

The blog tag.

Me tagged me @ 2 weeks ago - right about when my life started to unravel....so, here goes

1) Are you happy/satisfied with your blog's content and look? ehhhhh... i guess - i have a bunch of updates i would like to do, but hey - lets just be glad i'm back for now!

2) Does your family know about your blog? uh, that would be a HELL NO

3) Do you feel embarrassed to let your friends know about your blog? no, however most don't even know what a blog is... plus, this is my little "vent" zone, so if i told them, what would i do if they pissed me off?

4) Did blogging cause positive changes in your thoughts? the bloging itself? no --- you guys, my blog buddies (especially og, flip, jenn, nigel, mel, sizzle, scott, & thomas - in no particular order there, so don't get your panties in a twist if you're not listed 1st or at all here) HAVE caused a positive change in my life - so thank you all *potc*

5) Do you only open the blogs of those who comment on your blog or do you love to go and discover more by yourself? i start w/ those listed in my side bar... then i check out the ones i have bookmarked on my laptop... then i checkout those who have commented on my blog... and then if i am not ready to post and have time, i start clicking the next blog (a lot of erotica is out there ; )) - or i check out the commenters on your blogs

6) What does a visitor counter mean to you? Do you like having one on your blog? sometimes i forget it's there - other times it lets me know that the world knows i exist

7) Did you try to imagine your fellow bloggers and give them real pictures? some yes, some no

8) Admit it. Do you think there is any real benefit in blogging?
*shrug* i am ambivalent in regards to a benefit - that isn't why i started blogging

9) Do you think that blogger's society is isolated from the real world or interaction with events? no, i think it depends on the individual blog & the blogger

10) Does criticism annoy you or do you feel it's a normal thing? i think it is normal, however - it annoys me when people haven't read what i actually wrote - so they get on their soapbox... sometimes i am just making a comment - or my own self-criticism... i down myself enough as it is, i don't need others to take jabs at me too - but then again, i post it so i have to expect it....

11) Do you fear some political blogs and avoid them? fear - no... avoid - sometimes - i just depends on my mood

12) Were you shocked by the arrest of some bloggers? what?? when?? where?? why??

13) What do you think will happen to your blog after you die? by then i will have either deleted it or have forgotten it ever existed so it wont matter

14) What song do you like to hear? What song would you like to link to on your blog? 80's big hair bands, a mix

15) The next victims? how about some of you guys ----- flip, nigel, scott, thomas ---- show me some love boys!!!!


Thursday, September 21, 2006

is she dead or alive


no, i was not poisoned by my spinich......

however, i have been sick and i have also been plagued by computer problems...

give me a few days or so to get back into the groove...

miss ya all


Saturday, September 09, 2006


i'm sthchk (translation: sick w/ a stuffed head, achey, eyes hurt whenever they are open, sore throat, upset stomach, etc., etc., etc...)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Today in history

in 1972, 11 Israeli athletes are slain at Munich Olympics by terrorists



see the movie


is the world a better or safer place?

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today's word of the day (as seen on my template, lower right side) is gargantuan.

i didnt check it out this morning before going to work/school

i used it 7 times today in an example

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things that make me happy

yeah - i've got nothing.....

my brain hurts...

so here is a new 7's list...


Sunday, September 03, 2006

Thanks Mel - stolen like a true blog friend

umm... ok... sure.... then why havent i gone out in who knows how long on a real date?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.

Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.

Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you compelte.

And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.



Anyone who has ever spoken with a teacher, or who has a child in school, or who has ever paid any attention to educational politics has heard of NCLB (No Child Left Behind)....

I am a teacher. I am effected by NCLB (almost always negatively) every single day. Just the amount of paperwork required by this legislation makes many new teachers quit after their first year.

The way this legislation is written I am required to assess my SPECIAL EDUCATION/LEARNING DISABLED students in the EXACT SAME WAY with the EXACT SAME TEST as your honors student. Oh, and my SPED/LD kid needs to get the EXACT SAME SCORE as your honors student.

And what happens if this doesn't happen? The government will take over "my school" and do it themselves.


So if you have any interest in where your educational tax dollars are being spent, check out this Phi Delta Kappa/Gallup Poll Article

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George Carlin & chain e-mails...

i admit, i'm not the most eloquent writer in the world... heck, half the time i can't even say what i really want to say that well either (yet i'm NOT blond...hummmm)

i have gotten this one before, but this week it was sent to me by about half of my e-mail contacts... and i really like it.... however, i also agree w/ most of you that chain mails are stupid, idotic, annoying, and a waste of time & inbox space...

but you've gotta' love george carlin, wether he really wrote this and is now denying it or not (see grandpa's comment) - so i am sharing this with all of you

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too
little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the
atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side, but will always remember your kindness.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.


Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take... but by the
moments that take our breath away.

If you don't send this to at least 8 people.... Who cares?

George Carlin