why ask why me?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

reflections of a non-diva

i find as i move thru my life that even though i make mistakes, i own them - even when i don't want to.

when it comes to mistakes at work, i will start to defend myself, and then i will just say " you know what - you are right." but i still feel, internally, that i should be allowed to defend myself, even when i don't.

when it comes to friendships, i am the go-to-girl. that being said, over the last 6 months or so, i have gotten better at saying no & asking for what i want/need. it hasn't gone over well. why - well, everyone has gotten USED to depending on me and they don't like having to find a new go-to-person.

when it comes to relationships, i tend to let myself get hopeful, but never expectant. i hope for lots of things to happen - but i never really EXPECT them to happen to or for me. my relationships tend to be one sided. when i DO become a bit assertive, the guys do the run-&-dump. they literally run, and THEN they dump me from afar - as though they are afraid i might physically hurt them if they were near me while dumping me

lately i have seen a pattern. all of the people in my life who mean something in my life i have evidently pissed off by being true to myself. either i have told them no or stood up to them by standing up FOR myself. yet they all for some reason keep coming back to me to tell me that i am a wonderful person.

so make up your mind people - either love and accept me for who i am and include me in your lives

or just go away - i don't need t rehash every mistake i have ever made

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5 Comments:

  • Can I still read even though I'm neither a friend nor an enemy and I would really have to put forth a lot of effort to run any further from you than I already am?

    By Blogger -J, at Monday, December 11, 2006  

  • I like you just the way you are.

    Of course, I don't really know you....but I'm confident I'd like ya. even when you say no. :)

    By Blogger Jackass Jenn, at Monday, December 11, 2006  

  • I love you!

    :)

    By Blogger Me, at Monday, December 11, 2006  

  • "No." is a complete sentence.

    By Blogger Grampa, at Saturday, December 16, 2006  

  • You know what? If they can't accept what you say when you stand up for yourself, then they don't know you or love you. Even if I don't like what someone says to me I respect and admire when they are honest. You're doing nothing wrong and if people can't see that then you don't need them.

    By Blogger Phil, at Sunday, December 17, 2006  

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